RealTalkAJ

We’re gonna discuss why being ugly is a state of mind.

It got inspired after tuning into an episode of the JBP (Joe Budden Podcast)

Not much else to say so let’s break things down into greater detail:

Ugliness is Really on The Inside

Ugliness to me is mainly a state of mind, and that’s a statement made from personal experience. It’s grown to be even more true after seeing the like and dislike of people, regardless of physicality get built or destroyed due to their reputation with the content they create. I believe it begins at the point you’re able to communicate, and from there you control how ugly or attractive you appear.

My Experience with Defining Ugliness

Growing up, I used to believe “ugly” was a fixed thing — something you either were or weren’t based on your facial features, body type, or how society viewed you. But the more I lived and observed people in real-life settings, the more I realized how wrong that belief was. I’ve seen people who most would label “unattractive” by shallow standards end up in solid relationships, often with people others assumed were “out of their league.” It completely shifted my understanding.

On the flip side, I’ve known conventionally attractive people who were considered “ugly” because of how they treated others — rude attitudes, toxic personalities, or a lack of basic kindness. Suddenly, their looks couldn’t carry them. It became obvious: ugliness wasn’t always about looks; it was more often about energy.

One of the biggest game-changers I noticed was confidence. People who carried themselves with purpose, humor, or comfort in their own skin? They became magnetic. As a heterosexual male, I’ve even heard countless women admit they prefer their guy to be “medium ugly” — someone who’s not too flawless, but rather real, relatable, and someone they feel seen and safe around. That told me everything I needed to know: ugliness isn’t what’s on your face — it’s often a choice in how you show up.

Does the Quality of Content as a Creator Influence Level of Attractiveness?

I think it absolutely does.

In the creative world, what you produce can deeply affect how people perceive you. If your content adds value, solves problems, or simply inspires, it becomes harder for people to focus solely on how you look. Helpful creators — the ones who consistently deliver meaningful, honest, or skillful work — often become more “attractive” over time in the eyes of their audience.

The reason? People remember how you made them feel. If your videos, posts, music, or writing lifted them up, made them laugh, or helped them get through something — you’ve left a bigger impression than any outfit or selfie could. It creates emotional momentum. You become associated with support, reliability, or excitement.

And when that behavior is consistent, people begin looking at you differently. Your perceived attractiveness increases not because you changed how you look, but because you elevated how people experience you. In a world of surface-level impressions, being genuinely helpful becomes rare — and rare becomes valuable. That value is often mistaken for beauty, but it’s really just meaningful presence. So yes, how you show up in your work can make you more attractive.

Communication Can Create Beautiful Pictures or Piles of Garbage

Communication is powerful — more powerful than we often realize. The words you use and how you use them can either build bridges or set fire to opportunities. What you say, how you say it, and who you say it to has the ability to shape how others see you, even before they’ve met you in person.

Words can create imagery that eclipses every other sense. Someone can describe a situation so vividly, so beautifully, that it paints an emotional picture far beyond looks. The same is true in reverse — toxic, careless, or aggressive communication can instantly ruin someone’s perception of you, no matter how attractive you might be physically.

There’s even a phrase I’ve heard: “hung by the tongue.” It means your words can trap you, expose you, or push people away if you’re not intentional. You can speak with purpose and spark curiosity, admiration, and loyalty. Or you can communicate carelessly and make others uncomfortable, disrespected, or repelled.

So if being attractive is partly about how people feel when they interact with you, then communication becomes one of the most important tools. It’s not just about grammar or vocabulary — it’s about energy, clarity, tone, and empathy. Use your voice to connect, and you’ll likely be seen as more attractive than someone who never developed the skill to communicate well.

How to Make the Choice Between Looking Ugly or Attractive

Whether you’re perceived as “ugly” or “attractive” often comes down to how you choose to carry yourself and treat others. It’s less about appearance and more about behavior — your character, mindset, and presence all play a role.

If you want to gather positive reception, lead with charisma. Be the person who approaches problems with a can-do attitude. Be playful but thoughtful, ambitious but approachable. Let your energy reflect leadership, warmth, and presence. Charisma isn’t about being loud or always right — it’s about making people feel like they matter when they’re around you. That’s magnetic.

But if you treat others poorly — with arrogance, disrespect, or entitlement — you’ll likely be viewed as unattractive, regardless of how you look. People are quick to disconnect from energy that makes them feel small, unheard, or unsafe. Disrespect creates a lasting impression, and it’s one that physical beauty alone can’t erase.

The real choice lies in how you show up daily. Do you offer value, good vibes, and realness — or do you drain the room? Beauty fades, but presence, effort, and kindness don’t. Choose the type of energy that leaves people remembering you for the right reasons. That’s the difference between being seen as ugly… or unforgettable.