RealTalkAJ

I’ll be explaining what a double standard means in a relationship.

What does double standard mean in a relationship?

It’s when an individual has specific expectations from their partner. The catch is that the same expectation doesn’t apply to them in their head. Separating genders show men are glamorized for courting many women and the flip is reversed.

Having Specific Expectations

Having specific expectations in a relationship is both natural and necessary.

Expectations help define what each person values and needs in order to feel:

• secure
• loved

And respected.

Whether it’s consistent communication – shared responsibilities or emotional support is irrelevant.

Being clear about your expectations can strengthen the foundation of a relationship.

But issues pop up often when expectations are unspoken or unrealistic.

Assuming your partner “should just know” what you want creates space for disappointment and resentment.

You need to be able to communicate your expectations clearly.

Not as demands but as honest expectations of your needs.

It can promote understanding and connection.

It’s also important to recognize that your partner may have their own set of expectations.

These may not always align with yours.

Healthy relationships involve compromise and mutual respect.

Not rigid standards.

Specific expectations should be grounded in reality and shaped by the dynamics of your unique relationship.

They shouldn’t be about controlling your partner.

It’s about creating a shared vision for how you want to relate to one another.

At their best – expectations serve as a roadmap for how two people can show up for each other.

At worst they become unyielding rules that stifle growth.

The key is:

• open communication
• empathy

And a willingness to adapt.

When both people feel heard and valued…

Expectations become a tool for connection and not conflict.

Do as I Say: Not as I do

The phrase “Do as I say, not as I do” reflects a disconnect between words and actions.

It’s commonly used by someone in authority to instruct others to follow rules they ignore.

It highlights hypocrisy where a person preaches one standard but lives by another.

It may be intended as advice or guidance but the underlying message can breed mistrust.

Especially in:

• relationships
• leadership

And (or) parenting.

People learn more from what they see than what they’re told.

Actions carry weight – often more than words.

Credibility becomes lost when someone says one thing and consistently does another.

This can lead to:

• confusion
• resentment

Or even rebellion.

Particularly if the person giving the instruction is seen as a role model.

This phrase can be especially damaging in relationships.

If a partner says they value honesty but lies when it’s convenient.

Or demands respect while being disrespectful.

It sends mixed signals.

Consistency is key to building trust.

Living in alignment with your values—what you say and how you act.

It creates a strong foundation for any relationship.

Ultimately the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do” is a warning sign.

It reminds us that integrity isn’t just about giving good advice – it’s about embodying it.

Lead by example if you want others to listen.

That’s where real influence begins.

Women and Men are supposed to court differently

The idea that women and men are supposed to court differently is deeply rooted in tradition, but it’s worth questioning in the context of modern relationships. Historically, men were expected to pursue—plan the dates, make the first move, express interest—while women were encouraged to be passive, to wait, to be chosen. These roles were shaped by cultural norms, not by inherent emotional needs or capabilities.

Today, many people are challenging those outdated scripts. Relationship expectations are becoming more balanced, with both men and women taking active roles in showing interest, initiating conversations, and building emotional intimacy. Still, the old expectations linger—some people still believe men should pay for dates or that women shouldn’t appear “too eager.” These ideas can create unnecessary pressure and confusion for both sides.

What really matters is clarity, intention, and mutual effort. Courtship shouldn’t be about performing gender roles—it should be about expressing genuine interest and respect. If both people are looking for connection, the dynamic should feel reciprocal, not one-sided or forced into traditional molds.

Ultimately, the healthiest relationships are built when both partners feel equally empowered to show up, express themselves, and set expectations. It’s not about who does what based on gender—it’s about what feels honest, respectful, and real for the individuals involved.

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